if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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