i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
