Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
