it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
