'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's blow job season.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
