So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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