You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
