you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
