i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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