Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
