I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Less talking, more tequila
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
