the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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