He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
