you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
