is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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