didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
