the day after is always just damage control
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
