I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
