I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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