So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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