I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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