the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
