and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need water and some morals
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
