i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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