my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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