atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
