oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
