You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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