those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We named our party play list daddy issues
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
