My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
