Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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