the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
