I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
