i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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