I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
