I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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