I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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