And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
