I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
