i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
