Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
