People in love make me want to vomit
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
