i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
