There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
