Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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