my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
