You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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