Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
