I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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