summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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